My aunt died in April. She was another mother figure in my life, and simply writing that she has died is harder than I can honestly explain. As a financial planner, I have worked with families that have lost loved ones both recently and long ago. I know the process of handling an estate and the things that a family should consider after a person dies, yet despite all this professional knowledge, helping my family through this challenging time still came as a shock.

For me, my aunt's death highlighted a dynamic in my life that I rarely consider: I am an adult with aging family members. I am also a mother whose children will eventually be in the position I am now in. Throughout the process of helping lay my aunt to rest and assisting with the myriad of tasks that needed handling after her death, I am left with some practical lessons about estate planning. Some new and some that I now believe with even more conviction.

Make a Plan For Your Death and Incapacity Before You Need It

My aunt died of cancer, but when my family and I first found out the news, the discussion centered on the idea that it would be a long and hard battle. Her siblings figured out schedules to take her to chemo treatments and to figure out what additional supplies were needed to take care of her at home. Additionally, they figured out how to pick up the responsibilities my aunt was shouldering in taking care of her own aging parents. All of these things were vital actions to take. However, the discussion of reviewing and updating her estate planning documents and life insurance went uncompleted. In part, I think it was too painful to prepare for her death when we all wanted nothing more than for her to beat cancer and stay with us. However, these tasks were also secondary to a host of other decisions and tasks that needed to be addressed immediately for my aunt's care. Ultimately, my aunt's battle with cancer lasted roughly six weeks. Six weeks, and she was gone.

When someone dies, it is normal to wish you had more time to ask questions and spend time. But frankly, if I had more time with my aunt, I would want to hear her sing, ask her to tell age-old stories one more time, and watch her play with my daughter. I wouldn't want to talk to her about insurance and wills. So what is the solution?

Make sure your estate planning and insurance documents are updated regularly to match your wishes and your family's needs.

Reviewing your estate planning documents and insurance ensures a plan is already in place, and precious time isn't lost dealing with legal and financial matters at the end of someone's life. This is especially true if someone dies unexpectedly, and while depressing to think about, it happens.

Having a Will and Incapacity Documents Is Useless If No One Can Find Them

The advice to have your estate planning documents and life insurance policies in order is absolutely useless if no one knows where to find them. The day after my aunt died, I spent hours with my mom and grandmother looking through my aunt's belongings for her will and insurance policies. We were all grieving and heartbroken, and it was a chaotic task in the aftermath of her death. Although we found the insurance policies, there were speculations of whether there were more, if these were the latest versions, if she had a lawyer, or if her will handwritten. We eventually found the insurance policies, though they had not been updated in decades. However, we never found her will.

Make sure to store your estate planning documents and insurance policies in a place where they can be found.

Whether you have copies with your financial planner, have a trusted person who knows their location, or at the very least leave the contact information for your attorney in a place that is easily found, being organized saves those you leave behind a lot of time, but also ensures that your final wishes will be executed. 

It Is a Gift to Know How a Loved One Would Want Things Handled After They Die

The number of decisions that need to be made after someone dies is mind-boggling. Who needs to be notified? What should we do with personal items? Did they want a burial in a cemetery or to be cremated? Over and over, those left behind ask themselves what their loved one would have wanted, and this can leave an overwhelming sense of uncertainty. Of course, estate planning documents and life insurance policies answer some of these questions, but I have also come to value additional letters of instruction or personal letters explaining a person's preferences. These side letters are not legally binding and do not need to be drafted by an attorney but are simply a listing of preferences around what a person wants regarding a variety of issues, such as for their funeral, burial, or even values that they wish to instill through their bequests. They can be as simple or detailed, but the point is to provide some additional support for those making decisions on their behalf once they are gone. Family discussions about these topics can also fill these gaps, but having things in writing can avoid having different accounts of what a loved one may have wanted based on various individual conversations that were had.

I talk about estate planning often and can explain its legal and financial merits, but after going through the process of laying someone I love to rest as an adult, I value this process even more. Estate planning isn't a fun or joyful process, but the peace of mind that it can provide to those we leave behind is invaluable.